Kids in elementary school make a big deal of their first 100 days. With ziploc bags filled with popcorn kernels, popcicle sticks and macaroni, they throw a big party.
Marking 100 day milestones for grownups is a little less festive.
Our youngest daughter, Miller, was born in the beginning of October and I feel like I have climbed 100 hills and fought 100 battles in her first 100 days. With 2 other toddlers and a fiesty 7 year old, I struggled through. Even with my amazing partner, I struggled though.
I struggled through all of the holidays from Thanksgiving to New Years. I struggled through breastfeeding failure and exclusive pumping. I struggled through toddler tantrums and potty training. I struggled through the emotions of meeting with our kids birth mother right at Christmas because it was the right thing to do. I struggled through the lack of confidence to even leave the house (seriously, we almost never left, ever). I struggled through 6 weeks of hormonal apocalypse when having a terrible reaction to a new birth control. I struggled with my patience. I struggled with the guilt of knowing that our baby was so easy, yet why did this all feel so hard? I struggled to find myself again. I struggled to keep positive and find the humour whenever I could. And while it came close (really, really close), I was never completely defeated.
Despite our near 3 month hermitting in our dark cave of a home, our children have luckily thrived; for which I am so grateful, as I came out of that first 100 days weary and worn. I will be eternally glad for the sun of spring, as my children are looking a little wan and pasty, slightly reminiscent of the Flowers in the Attic children, minus the incest and neglect.
As the new year hit, I was ready to do and be more. I wasn’t sure what that was, but I was ready. It was on EXACTLY day 100 after Miller was born that I had a serendipitous opportunity put in front of me. I saw an ad for the Total Makeover Challenge, a 4 month weightloss and self-improvement challenge for women in my area put on annually by a non-profit. There were some great rewards for the contestants (30 of them) and more so the winner. My cold, cynical heart suspects that this was a cult disguised in prizes or I am getting sold a timeshare at some point (I am still on the fence, but jumping in anyways). But the competitor within me saw this as an opportunity to compete and push myself. So I applied. And I have made it into the Top 30.
You will be able to follow along with my journey here on my contestant page.
I love that I have full access to a gym and yoga studio for the duration that I am in the contest. I am less excited about the kumbaya, rah rah, band of sisters kind of feel. I am just not a group hug kind of gal, never have been. So there is an excellent point of growth for me, as I won’t have a choice if I want to progress. The 2 day self improvement retreat next month flat out scares the shit out of me. I don’t do trust falls. It will be a real stretch for me to get in touch with my inner fluffiness. But that is the whole point, no?
So after a 100 days of fog, I am literally and figuratively putting myself out there. Did I mention the public voting aspect and having my before photo and weight loss shared online and in the local newspaper? Good times. But I know that the benefits far outweigh my fear of public ridicule. And for those who already think my brashness and loudness is over the top and repellent, I have just been given a platform to take this ball of me public: #notsorry.
I hope you will follow along with me as I continue to struggle, grow and shrink and cheer me on here, on my contestant page or Facebook. And I will shamelessly appeal for your votes when the time comes for me to get to the next round, don’t you worry.
P.S. (It was actually Day 112 when I finally worked up the intestinal fortitude to run errands with all 3 girls. And we rocked the shit out of our Costco trip).