100 Days of Solitude

Kids in elementary school make a big deal of their first 100 days. With ziploc bags filled with popcorn kernels, popcicle sticks and macaroni, they throw a big party.
Marking 100 day milestones for grownups is a little less festive.

Our youngest daughter, Miller, was born in the beginning of October and I feel like I have climbed 100 hills and fought 100 battles in her first 100 days. With 2 other toddlers and a fiesty 7 year old, I struggled through.  Even with my amazing partner, I struggled though.

I struggled through all of the holidays from Thanksgiving to New Years. I struggled through breastfeeding failure and exclusive pumping. I struggled through toddler tantrums and potty training. I struggled through the emotions of meeting with our kids birth mother right at Christmas because it was the right thing to do. I struggled through the lack of confidence to even leave the house (seriously, we almost never left, ever). I struggled through 6 weeks of hormonal apocalypse when having a terrible reaction to a new birth control. I struggled with my patience. I struggled with the guilt of knowing that our baby was so easy, yet why did this all feel so hard? I struggled to find myself again. I struggled to keep positive and find the humour whenever I could. And while it came close (really, really close), I was never completely defeated.

Despite our near 3 month hermitting in our dark cave of a home, our children have luckily thrived; for which I am so grateful, as I came out of that first 100 days weary and worn. I will be eternally glad for the sun of spring, as my children are looking a little wan and pasty, slightly reminiscent of the Flowers in the Attic children, minus the incest and neglect.

As the new year hit, I was ready to do and be more. I wasn’t sure what that was, but I was ready. It was on EXACTLY day 100 after Miller was born that I had a serendipitous opportunity put in front of me. I saw an ad for the Total Makeover Challenge, a 4 month weightloss and self-improvement challenge for women in my area put on annually by a non-profit. There were some great rewards for the contestants (30 of them) and more so the winner. My cold, cynical heart suspects that this was a cult disguised in prizes or I am getting sold a timeshare at some point (I am still on the fence, but jumping in anyways). But the competitor within me saw this as an opportunity to compete and push myself. So I applied. And I have made it into the Top 30.

You will be able to follow along with my journey here on my contestant page.
I love that I have full access to a gym and yoga studio for the duration that I am in the contest. I am less excited about the kumbaya, rah rah, band of sisters kind of feel. I am just not a group hug kind of gal, never have been. So there is an excellent point of growth for me, as I won’t have a choice if I want to progress. The 2 day self improvement retreat next month flat out scares the shit out of me. I don’t do trust falls. It will be a real stretch for me to get in touch with my inner fluffiness. But that is the whole point, no?

So after a 100 days of fog, I am literally and figuratively putting myself out there. Did I mention the public voting aspect and having my before photo and weight loss shared online and in the local newspaper? Good times. But I know that the benefits far outweigh my fear of public ridicule.  And for those who already think my brashness and loudness is over the top and repellent, I have just been given a platform to take this ball of me public: #notsorry.

I hope you will follow along with me as I continue to struggle, grow and shrink and cheer me on here, on my contestant page or Facebook. And I will shamelessly appeal for your votes when the time comes for me to get to the next round, don’t you worry.

Warrior on.

P.S. (It was actually Day 112 when I finally worked up the intestinal fortitude to run errands with all 3 girls. And we rocked the shit out of our Costco trip).

About Avoiding The Train Wreck

I like cheese. I am a odd duck, learning to parent my 3 kids while trying to ensure our world doesn't come to a crashing halt at any time. The chaos of our everyday in this home is like trying to prevent a colossal train wreck every single day. I provide pithy commentary on these daily adventures and I do not take myself too seriously. Pssst...neither should you. This is a place to continue my first (abandoned) attempts at blogging found here. I may also bring in a few previous posts from FB. And I like wine too.
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2 Responses to 100 Days of Solitude

  1. Your first trip out with all three girls was to Costco? You have incredible intestinal fortitude.

    Traditional societies expect new mothers to hermitize for the first little while. Mind you, they also support said new mothers in said hermitage: female relatives gather ’round (sometimes moving in) to do the cooking, cleaning, child care, etc. so that the new mum can bond with her bub. These societies tend not to have the “school run”, though.

    You’re amazing, Shan. I shall keep a look out on your makeover page. Whether I remember to comment or not, know that I’m over here cheering for you!


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